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**October**

Disgruntled Employee

I'm an employee of Woolworths again.  I will now go and wallow in my own self-pity.  

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Posted by Chikory at 13:48.
Today is Thursday, the 27th of October, 2005.

Miniature Rant number 4!  And oh my Squad!  I've found old material!!!

That's right.  Not only do I have a short list of things to whine about.  But on my search to find what "miniature rant" I was up to, I discovered an old post that I had forgotten to finish.  In my defence - if I had done it promptly, I wouldn't be able to truthfully call myself a lazy procrastinating bastard.  So that's my excuse, like it or leave it.
I'll start off with the most recent crap first, then move on to the old garbage.  So I'm predicting that by the end of this post, it'll be anything but miniature.

Don't Hassel the Hoff!  I know most of you don't like Rove, and what's more you don't even like the Hoff.  Come to think of it, I don't like him either.  He's just one of those easy targets that you love to pick on.  Kind of like a walking book of jokes.  I dunno.
But his recent shock, first time ever in Australia appearance on Rove Live this Tuesday just gone, has really opened my eyes.  The Hoff, so it seems, is actually quite the bad boy!
Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to be shocked.  Because this speedo wearing, freedom singing, talking car befriender, teased Nuns.  That's right.  He teased Nuns!  On top of other small things, like setting fire to his parent's driveway.  But that's small potatoes.
So in light of this, I intend on creating a page devoted entirely to The Hoff.  Okay, so it'll be a while off.  Seeing as I am still working on half the other links, plus a makeover of the entire site, using uber cool things like XDHTML, and JAVA Script.  But I haven't got that crap down pat yet, so we're probably looking at about another 6 months before anything new will start popping up.  Like I said - lazy procrastinating bastard.

I know I don't work for Woolworth's anymore.  But I'm pissed as all hell at them right now.  Before I quit, I found 10 bucks near the registers.  I should've pocketed it, but because I was currently working, I couldn't.  So I did the right thing and handed it in.  I was told that after a period of time, if no one claimed it, I would get the money.  
Did this happen?  NO!
Cholly came to see me at work a couple of days ago, and while she was there gas bagging, Kelly, one of the supervisors made a trip across the way to see her.  She informed Cholly that 5 bucks was now hers, as she had found it not long ago.  Cholly was delighted.  I wasn't.
I asked Kelly about my 10 bucks.  She said as follows - "Because you were terminated.  You don't get it."
Too which I replied - "I wasn't terminated.  I quit."
But, it seems that Woolies gets MY 10 bucks.  Like they need it.  Wankenhimers!  I hate them so bad right now.

"The song - You're beautiful", by this dumb shit, has been whored out so often over the radio it's not funny.  But that's not the reason it's pissing me off.  The lyrics are what gets my goat.  Observe, the opening and the chorus.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

As Homer Simpson once said - "They lied to us through song!  I hate when people do that!"

So, this moron has a plan to get this girl, or so he leads us to believe.  But then, at the end of the chorus, he claims he doesn't know what to do.  WTF?  Lying bastard.  I shake my fist in your general direction.

Now on with the old rubbish...

I realise I must seem like a broken record, always having a cry about the public, my job, basically just bull shit in general.  But I'm justified.  The stupidity of people just leaves me flabbergasted every time.  Just when I think that people can't get any more idiotic, they up and surprise me.  It's almost as though each new day is like a challenge for them.  Like their only goal in life is to top their stupidity rating from the previous day.

Behold, some recent examples of the goings on of the hole I will now dub - Boganville.

A few days ago, I was standing around at Brumby's awaiting the arrival of a customer or two, when a fat lady came rolling up and decided to ask me if we had any dinner rolls.  The answer, of course, was sat there staring her in the face.  All she had to do was look at the sign stating - dinner rolls, and that would've answered her question for her.
"How many do you have there?"  She asks
"Eleven."  I reply after counting them
"Can I have 12?"  She says and reaches for her wallet, not noticing the blank look I am giving her
"Um, no."
"Why?"
"I only have 11."
"Oh.  I'll have 10 then."

Then there's the angry bogan lady that mum and I had the privilege of meeting in Coles a few shopping days ago.  See, not only did these two idiots hold us up when they went searching the store for various items they forgot, and then each other, but they were rude, fugly, bastards.  
When it came time to pay, the ugly pregnant bogan woman whipped out her wallet to pay, but instead accidentally dropped a few cards onto the floor.  This of course, prompted the elderly man waiting behind them, to extend a gesture of kindness.  So he bent down to retrieve what she had lost from the floor.  No sooner had he bent down to pick them up, when the angry lady joined him hastily and said in a rude tone, "Excuse me!  But don't touch my cards!"  There was a bit of a dispute, the elderly man was quite upset, his wife defended him because he was vision impaired and was only trying to help.  Mum and I stood there looking horrified at this lad's reaction over her cards, and made comments about the hole we live in, and how ashamed we are to affiliated with these idiots.
I wouldn't mind, but the bogan woman would've been partially justified with her reaction if the cards in question were of any importance.  One was a medicare card, the other looked like a video ezy card.  
How lame.

Next up there's the psycho who stole a "stop" and "slow" sign from the council.  He positioned himself on the road and began stopping cars.  When I came up over the hill, my first thought was - This is just some bastard who has taken it upon himself to pretend he has a job with the council.  (The lack of a reflective vest and walkie talkie was a dead giveaway).  He waited till the cars almost reached the hill behind, and when it looked like things would be too dangerous (seeing as there were no signs stating road work for the people to slow coming up over the hill at 60 kmph), he let us go.  And low and behold... NO ROAD WORKS!  Wanker.  Dad found it quite amusing, but that's only because being paranoid like he is, he rarely leaves the house.  So fortunately for him, he still finds these kinds of psycho wankers amusing.  Mum and I however, just find them friggin' annoying.

Next up, a slightly amusing story of a humble group of hippies.  I'll give you a bit of background, because I can, so grab your popcorn and learn to read.

Woolworths is building yet another supermarket up on the range.  They purchased some land, which was for sale, and the hippies are none too happy.  Apparently the land is inhabited with platypus, but it simply isn't the case.  The area has been checked over several times, and nothing was ever found.  So some half baked hippie tard decided to take matters into his own hands.  This bastard went down into the creek, and dug a nice looking hole which he would later claim to be the home of one of the beloved creatures.  
No one is buying it though, so the hippies are getting angry.  They're going out in force, using their hippie powers of mass destruction.  They're PROTESTING!
So for the past year or more, we've had groups of protestors hanging around out the front of various Woolworth stores, mine included.  In fact they came on a day that I was shoved on register 20, so as pissed off as I was, when I knocked off work I was going to go and join them.  But unfortunately the police ushered them on their way before I could.
Another thing this forceful bunch have been doing is sticking annoying little yellow stickers up all over the place.  On these stickers, it states "Woolworths - I won't shop there!"  Good for you, I say.  Now since when did two wrongs make a right?  Stop defacing public property, custard munching turkeys!
As time went on, the hippies became more brave.  They entered the store, filled their trolleys with various items, and then abandoned them in the isle in synchronisation.  Not only were poor saps like me stuck putting all the shit back on the shelves, but they'd left horrible signs on the bottom of the trolley.  Horrible, disturbing signs!  

NO WOOLIES!
NO WOOLIES!
NO WOOLIES!

Such terrible things come from these hippies these days.  They're just Squad awful people.

After that they moved on to higher ground.  They donned themselves an ugly looking platypus costume, and started running amuck.  Scaring young children, and the elderly in the parks late at night.  Okay, I made that up.  But this thing was ugly, so you can't tell me it didn't scare anyone.  'Cause it sure as hell scared the shit out of me!  It was no wonder when the police confiscated it, and now they're crying more than ever, because they want their beloved furry pile of festering cow dung back.  
NO I SAY!  NO!!!

Posted by Chikory at 20:47.
Today is Friday, the 21st of October, 2005.

What should a butcher smell like?

Just like every other store, Brumby's gets customer complaints; only most of ours aren't even Brumby's related.  For instance, today was a pupil free day, so you can imagine how many little retards we had running around the joint, stealing our straws to play with, and snatching our napkins.  Because hey, that's what we buy them for.  Dumb asses.

Anyway, as I was saying.  These two hippie try hard teenagers come waddling up, wearing clothing that doesn't even fit their strangely shaped bodies.  The head hippie hands me a twenty dollar note and requests that I change it for two tens.  WTF?  Do I look like an ATM?  Why didn't you ask the idiots at Woolies to do that when they gave you the change???  Retards.  So, I change their money, and leave my till kinda open, because I'm anticipating that they buy something like a 60cent bread roll, which will bring my average for the day down by a shit load if I put it into the till.  Surprisingly, they don't, instead I get the following...

Retard:  "Can you smell that really feral smell?"
Me (Totally pissed off today, 'cause I've had to go without my booze.  So I'm really not in the mood for fags wasting my time):  "No."
Retard;  "Aw, it's gross.  It smells like meat!  That really disgusting meaty smell.  It's coming from that place there."  She points to the store next door.
Me - Master of the obvious:  "It's a butcher."
Retard:  "Yeah, I know!  Isn't it gross?"
Me:  "Not really, I can't smell it."

So she continues to bitch about it, as if I'm going to whip out the magical powers the bread has invested in me and solve her dilemma.  I mean, what does she expect a butcher to smell like?  Fairy floss?  For stamen's sake!  If you don't like the smell, piss off!  You don't HAVE to be standing there or anything.  Shit heads.

Next up, we have some tight arsed lady who can't be buggered buying a bottle of water.  So I have to go and get her a cup and fill it.  Cheap bitch.  While her husband is drinking our water, she wastes my time asking pointless questions involving the various pies and sausage rolls in our hot cabinet.  She actually graced me with a story about how all pasties were filled with vegetables and no meat when she was a child.  Thanks, I really needed to know that!  Now if you're done making yourself feel better about not buying some freaking water, I'll go and serve some PAYING customers.  
I should've denied her our precious liquid, seeing as we are supposed to be conserving water up here at the moment.  I would've liked to have done that.  

Rod Stewart's - Rhythm of my heart has invaded my brain.  I've been singing the chorus all day long.  He's controlling my mind!!!  AHHHHHHHH!

Posted by Chikory at 18:10.
Today is Monday, the 10th of October, 2005.

Arse of the moment No. #3 - Maurice Hardy

It's hard to believe that someone as easily miffed off as me has only given two other people the title of "arse of the moment".  I guess maybe I'm surrounded by so many tards, all worthy of the title, that I've completely reassessed my standards, and upped the bar.

Maurice Hardy, you friggin' old demented fart, I dub thee Arse of the moment number 3!

Shortly after 9am, this total wank decided to "bless us" with his presence.  He set up show just around the corner from Brumbies, switched on his speakers and started raping good songs left right and centre.  He totally screwed over my morning, gave me a headache, and drowned out my mp3 cd.  He made things totally unbearable, time dragged on, and every single friggin' old fart decided to speak mega quietly, despite the din emanating forth from his big fog horn.  You're a total faggot, and if I could get away with it, I'd shove every single cd you own up your rectum!  Old bastard.

When Emma arrived for her shift, I was able to go and ask them to tone their racket down.  The lady that was with him said okay, and I went back to work.  I was out the back traying up pies and stuff when she returned and told Emma the following in a very put out tone -
"We're going to turn the speakers around, Medicare has opened their doors so they can hear it, and Miller's want us to turn it up louder.  So I don't know what the problem is."
The problem is this, you fscking moron!  I'm not an old codger that enjoys shopping at Miller's and listening to dead shit country and western music.  Especially when said music is based on stolen songs that were not intended for that genre!  If I wanted to die a slow and painful death, I'd still be working for Woolworths!

She did turn down the music, and Emma was happy.  However I left half an hour later with my headache still intact.  Emma was spared the pain and anguish of a morning shot to hell.  Damn I envy her right about now.

Geriatric prick, you so earned your title.

Posted by Chikory at 14:14.
Today is Saturday, the 1st of October, 2005.