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**May**

Fucking cunts...  I will smite them!

Some low life fucking cunt shit stole my bag today, and boy am I pissed off!  I hate the place I live in.  It use to be a nice area, but now, it's filled with mother fuckers who bludge off the dole, drink, smoke, do drugs, steal peoples fucking bags, and want to buy a loaf of bread for 50 cents... shit heads.

Every Monday afternoon I do the closing shift at Brumby's with Livingston.  Like usual the stupid door would not shut, and stupid me I accidentally turned my back on my bag for 2 minutes.  In that time some fucking moron came along and swiped it... now I'm pissed.

It's actually quite amusing, mostly because the FUCKING BASTARDS GOT NOTHING!!!  Sure, it's one massive inconvenience, and it's going to cost a shit load to change the locks on both cars and the house, but the losers will still have gained all but... 10 cents and a shit house Nokia 3315 that's well on its way to that big mobile phone Heaven in the sky.

Anywho, I phoned my mummy dearest and she brought along the spares to my car.  I searched the bins and around the centre on my way out, but to no avail.  I know they've ditched it somewhere, and I should get the bulk of my shit back (excluding the phone, keys, credit card and maybe my torch).

What has pissed me off 10 times more is this... The mall security guard is a shit head.  See, on my way to guard my car, I happened to see the security guard standing around talking to some builder.  I approached him to tell him that if anything turned up, he knew where to drop it in.  Did he care?  No.  He didn't ask for any details, he didn't go and check his magical camera in the roof, and he certainly didn't want to know about it.  That fucker is getting a complaint put in bright and early tomorrow.  I'm usually not the type to rock the boat, but he's picked the wrong time to act like a shit.

So, the credit card has been cancelled, I'll change my ATM accounts, get all the locks changed, get a new license, cancel my block buster video card and library card, order a new Social Security card (That's the American shit thing), and be uber pissed about it all... hell, I might go and buy me some booze, because unlike that fucker, I STILL HAVE ALL MY MONEY!  Cunt.

Probably the better part of the story is, they got my Woolies discount card.  How good is that?  They'll be ripping Woolies off left right and center, HA HA!  I don't mind about that, in fact, I like that!  What's more, I cancelled my shift, and I got the supervisor I don't like too.  Debbie, a Nazi bastard of a supervisor, answered the phone.  She got no explanation and I wasn't going to give her one.  I've cancelled so many shifts lately to go and work for Brumby's, so she's getting quite cut about it.  But ya know what?  She can eat shit and die for all I care.

I'm currently in the process of ringing my mobile, over and over.  They've not turned it on yet, and I've asked my friends to send abusive messages to it.  It'll be fun if the fuckers pick up.  They'll get a mouthful from the crazy swearing garbage bin checking lady.

Hmm, I wonder if my insurance company will pay for the locks on my car getting changed.  I must look into that.

I hate this town.  
I want out.
Society is shit.
And I will smite the bastards for making me remove the battery from car.
Wankers.

Posted by Chikory at 20:32.
Today is Monday, the 30th of May, 2005.

Let loose live... Let it go more like.

So, did anyone bother to watch channel seven's new "hit" comedy on Sunday night?  I did.  If it wasn't for the fact that there was absolutely nothing else on that interested me on any other station, I'd demand that 60 minutes of my life back.
There's just something about Aussie humour that's just not funny when it hits the TV as a sketch comedy show of sorts.  Maybe it's the fact that it's slowly, but surely, evolving into Americanised humour.  Take the following usually hilarious shows for instance.

Roy and HG.  These two cracked me up in my younger days.  They were great at the Olympics, and their Monday night dump was pretty cool too.  But once they hit America's shores and started their latest show (Memphis Trousers) they started to suck a whole lot more.  Maybe it was the fact that their lips seemed to be implanted on the fat Seppo's anus', I dunno.  Something is seriously lacking in their comedic routine.

Trigger Happy TV.  When Dom Jolly started this British based show, it was a crack up.  I laughed so hard when he did his ice cream man prank, that I started to cry.  It was just good stuff.  I'd make the effort to get up at 2am just to watch it on channel 9. (Until Kerry Fudge Packer decided to put it on the Brisbane channel - which my TV doesn't pick up.)  When I was living in the States I was delighted to see it on TV there.  I was soon to be bitterly disappointed though.  Dom Jolly was the only British man in it, the rest were Seppos.  They killed that comedy show, ran it into the ground and stomped on it a few times with a shit covered shoe.  It was just not funny.

See a pattern?  The American influence ruins our TV shows!  98% of their jokes are sex orientated.  Now I don't mind the odd joke about that stuff, but honestly, 60 minutes of continuous babble just gets a bit old.  There are other things that are quite funny.  How about we, I dunno, use some of those in the shows to give it a bit of variety and substance?  

Posted by Chikory at 09:05.
Today is Monday, the 30th of May, 2005.

Delta Cult

I'm starting to think that maybe it's a bad idea for myself and Cholly (It's an Internet name, shut up.) to get together and work on any project of any kind.  The problem being; we're both insane, bored, and have no pitty.  On the other hand, the madness that ensues can be quite entertaining.  Aside from the movie that we're planning on creating (It's still a work in progress), we've stumbled upon an idea that will;
a) Annoy the idiots at the Delta Goodrem Forums.
b) Be highly entertaining.
and c) Quite possibly get us into a whole snoot full of trouble.
But what the hell, we're going to do it anyway.

The whole idea came about during one of our very rare MSN conversations.  I mentioned that I'd just been banned for the 4th time on the DGF, to which she requested a link.  Said link was supplied, she signed up, I gave her a few tips, and before we knew it a truly diabolical plan was born... Okay, so maybe diabolical is a bit over board, but it could be a lot of fun.

The plan, as it stands, is that we form an Official Delta Goodrem Cult™.  Anybody can join, as all you need is the following (Which let's face it, isn't all that hard to master).
You lack any talent what so ever.  You can't sing, you can't write music, and your lyrics are completely and utterly self centred.  You enjoy whoring yourself out on to the public.  You eat men up and spit them out when ever it suits you, and you like to be portrayed as little miss innocent.  Yup, I've just described Delta in a nut shell.

So, how will we get this idea up and running?  I have no idea.  I'm thinking of creating an area on this site, of which we can salute our favourite publicity whore in derogatory ways.  I'm open to ideas people.

The only problem we actually face is spreading the word.  The DGF is actually rather hard to infiltrate, as the little toe rags like nothing more than to do some random reporting, and the moderators are always scanning the area, deleting posts that don't fit in with their "open minded" plans of idolisation.

So, I'm open to ideas.  Just leave them in the comments area if you have any.  Team Hambo, I'm hoping you've got something.

Agent Chikory, over and out.

Posted by Chikory at 16:40.
Today is Tuesday, the 24th of May, 2005.

Ooooh, you can now make big shiny comments!

Okay, so I'm not exactly l337 an all that shit, but I have fixed it up so that people can now make comments.  You probably don't want to, but what the hell, the option is there now.  I'm too cheap to buy a program, or pay someone for a domain name/ftp space, so I've taken my free message board, created a topic for what ever I post, and linked to it.  You'll have to sign up to the board if you want to comment, but I guess that just puts me one step ahead of the spammers.  Although Aimoo (The message board provider), seems to do its own spamming.  I guess you can't have anything for free these days without there being some catch.
Bastards.
Anywho, bear with me.  Eventually I'll dip into my pocket, scrounge through the lint and find my dusty wallet to pay for some uber cool shit that'll make me look all nerdy and great.

That is all.

Posted by Chikory at 17:50.
Today is Saturday, the 21st of May, 2005.

Arse of the moment No. #2 - Tight arsed bastard

I have no idea what his name is, I just know he's a tight arsed bastard.  So for future reference, should I need it (And I hope I don't!), I dub this moron - Tight arsed bastard.  He's the second customer I've come across at Brumby's that's managed to piss me off into depression.  Sounds odd?  Well it is.  The fact of the matter is, that when I get so pissed off, but can't express it in the fashion I wish to, I get extremely bummed out.  It's very Freudian, but what the hell...

So, this retard comes walking up to the counter, I'm on my own out the front, so I have no choice but to serve him.  He's the essence of boganism; complete with unwashed unironed clothes, mullet, and dopey features.  His first word is "um", which is then followed by an "uh", and then I finally get a coherent sentence, though it took him about a minute to get it out.  
To save myself the bother of having to form correct flowing sentences, I will now give you some dialogue to read.  It's been dramatically shortened, as I had to repeat myself that many times, and I've taken out the pauses, "ums" and  "uhs".

Me:  "Hi, how are you today?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "Do you have any 50 cent loaves?"
Me:  "No, sorry.  The cheapest loaf we have left today is $2.80."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Can you give me a loaf for 50 cents?"
Me:  "No.  That's too big a price drop, we'd lose too much on that."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Please?"
Me:  "No, sorry.  All I can give you for 50 cents is a bread roll, they're usually 60, but I will give you one for 50 cents if you like."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Okay, can I get 3?"
Me:  "I can only give you one.  Would you like one of them?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "Well how about 3 rolls?"
Me:  "No.  Only one."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Okay, what about 3 rolls and a loaf?"
Me:  "No sorry, all I can give you is one bread roll."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Well, please?"
Me: "I'll go get the boss."

So there are people lining up, looking at this total fuckwit like he's, well, a total fuckwit.  So I head out the back to get the boss, but she'd slipped out sometime ago without me noticing.  So the next best person to foist my problem customer off onto is Livingston, our food preparer (I guess you could call him that, he doesn't bake from scratch, but he cooks some of the food we run out of throughout the day).
Me: "I've got a real arse hole out the front, wanna tell him to piss off for me?"
He goes to move, but our boss returns so she goes to deal with the total wank.  Keep in mind I just had about 5 minutes of bashing my head against a wall (You got the shortened version).

Boss:  "Can I help you?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "I want a 50 cent loaf."
Boss:  "I can't give you a loaf for 50 cents, but I can give you a bread roll."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Can I have one of them then?"
Boss:  "Sure.  Do you want a plain one, or one with seeds?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "Can I have 3?"
Boss:  "No.  You can only have one."
Tight arsed bastard:  "Please, I need some bread."
Boss:  "We'd lose too much profit if we gave you a loaf for 50 cents, but I'm happy to give you a bread roll for that.  They're usually 60 cents."
Tight arsed bastard:  "I need a loaf."
Boss:  "How much money have you got there?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "50 cents."
Boss: "Is that all you have?"
Tight arsed bastard:  "I have $1.40."
Boss:  "You have $1.40?"
Tight arsed bastard: "Yes."
Boss:  "Okay, I can give you a loaf for that."

What an arse!  This guy probably had enough to pay full price for the loaf of bread, but instead he had to be a total wanker and waste everyone's time.  He was holding a bag from IGA, so he'd obviously had enough to buy his ciggies and some other unhealthy rubbish.  Not only that, but if he'd bothered to walk out the door and across the road he could've picked up a 99 cent loaf of bread from Woolies.  What a dumb shit.  I hate customer service.

Posted by Chikory at 18:04.
Today is Friday, the 20h of May, 2005.

Hambo, you shit head!

So...  Bec Virgen has either struck again, or there was a glitch in the mass ISP banning spree.  Either way, months after the fact, I am now banned from Hambo's site.  I'm pissed off, 'cause in a small way little Bec has won part of the battle, and I have less bull shit to read in my spare time.
For those who don't already know the story, I will tell you what little I know in a brief, yet highly efficient, sort of short paragraph.  Here we go...

Hambo does a review of a Nikki Webster site that I can only assume he accidentally stumbled upon.  Being an incredibly shit site, he voices his opinion of it in writing, and basically states just that.
Some time later, bored little Becky decides to do a google on her name and comes across Hambo's review.
This angers the little turd, so she leaves a comment or sends an e-mail (I can't remember and I can't research it... because the bastard has banned my ISP!).  
Hambo laughs at her having a cry, pokes some fun, and an entertaining situation is created.
Months of Bec Virgen taunting and conversations via MSN with Dr. Cam Sexenheimer later, she becomes repetitive, petty, and just plain stupid (Not that she wasn't any of those things before, it's just old news by now).
Hambo bans her IP from his site.
Bec returns, because she obviously doesn't have a static IP, and receives a warning that if she doesn't piss off, everyone on her ISP will be banned and have her to thank for it.
She exhibits defiant and utterly selfish behaviour, so Hambo does just that.
I don't care what happens after this point, because for some reason I wasn't banned, even though I am on the same ISP as her.

Okay, so now you're all up to date on a situation you probably couldn't give a dried dog excrement about.  I will take this opportunity to use a well known line (In Australia anyway), from Tim Shaw the Demtel man.
"But wait!  There's more!"
Atari, one of the snarkers from The Spin Starts Here (Not to be confused with Spin Starts Here), points out in one of her comments that she gets a somewhat endearing picture (Sarc) when she tries to view his site.  This gets me thinking... If she is on the same ISP as me, then why is it that I can see the site and she can not?  
Well, weeks later that question is not answered, but is no longer an issue.  Because I am banned too.  I have to agree with Atari, the picture is somewhat, well, let's just say it's an acquired taste.  View said picture here.

I would continue this rantation, but when I went to retrieve the link I discovered that I can magically access his site again.  Seems that it was a thing of the moment.  The moment has passed, the flood gates are open, and now the world has been blessed once again with the ramblings of, Hambo.  He's still a shit head though, but I'm sure he already knows that.

CYCLONE!

Because I haven't posted anything for a while, and I took the time to type this, I am going to bung it up anyway.

Banned?  No.
Paranoid?  Maybe.
Feeling like an exposed arse in a nunnery full of nuns?  Definitely. 

Posted by Chikory at 21:06.
Today is Sunday, the 15th of May, 2005.

More message board idiots...

Well here we are again.  Another day, another board, more victims.  I've been visiting and posting at this certain board since 2002.  That's the year that I first discovered the Internet could be used for much more than talking on msn.  Amazing stuff, huh?

I'd started out a modest person, posting things to do with the topic, being polite and considerate to all the other happy posters, when one day, something clicked; I discovered being an arsehole was much more fun.  
Since that day, the older more respected crowd has disappeared, only to be replaced with the group that's very much so at the top of my hit list™; Immature brats.  For some reason the TV show, M*A*S*H seems to have attracted a large group of these kids, and it seems to be the latest craze.  Apparently you're not all that unless you like an old show, and what better show to pretend to love than an army show?  Like, OMG!  WTF?  LOL!!!!1 

As you can imagine the level of intelligence dropped, and we were subject to posts about imaginary flagglets, and endless RPGs (Role playing games).  So I set to work, being a royal bastard and number one pain in the arse.  
I stopped not so long ago, but decided to return with a full bag of sarcasm.  Which brings me to the purpose of this miniature rantation (I know it's not a word, but it is now!).  
People are idiots.
Don't know what I mean?  Take a look at the screen shots below:




If anything this only backs up my theory that people should need a licence to use the Internet.  It's a must, because when little tossers like Bec Virgen get online, nobody's safe.

Yeah I know this was a pretty lame post.  But you can shut up, because I have a cool glitter hat and you don't!

Posted by Chikory at 02:30.
Today is Tuesday, the 8th of May, 2005.

Miss Cast Away and the Island Girls

Don't you just love it when you're searching the net aimlessly, and you stumble upon something so incredibly stupid that it doubles you over in uncontrollable laughter for absolutely no logical, sane reason?  
...  
Well shut up!  No one asked you anyway!

I was hard at work on the Diagnosis Murder section of this website, when I discovered I had no pictures!  Yeah, I know, I was stunned too!  So off I went on a manic google search, exploring page after page of pictures with the resolution quality of - shit!  I did however find one site where a woman has posted a picture of a child, and claims that this (You'll have to scroll down to see it) is what Mark's granddaughter would look like if Steve, had married her sister.  But that's a whole other disturbing story.  Right now I think I'll just stick with the one I've got.

I was getting desperate, so I redirected my search to imdb.com, and looked up Charlie Schlatter's profile.  This is where I noticed that he has done an actual movie!  After Diagnosis Murder, I have only ever heard his voice in cartoons, but he's gone and done some acting for a change, which is nice to see.  It's a spoof movie called Miss Cast Away and the Island Girls.  Because I am a lazy bastard and can't be arsed writing my own summary of what I’ve learned this movie to be about, I’ll just copy and paste what they had on their website…

‘The comedic story of "Miss Cast Away" takes off like a 747 when a plane load of beauty contestants are transported from the United States to Japan for the Miss Galaxy Pageant. Unfortunately, the flight goes awry when the plane goes off course and crash lands on a deserted island. There, the castaways make an unusual discovery - - they find Noah's Ark! With the Ark guarded by a prehistoric pig (Jurassic Pork) and Noah kidnapped by Apes (ala Planet of The Apes), the castaways must devise a plan of rescue and escape.

This in-your-face comedy has been described as "Baywatch" meets "Airplane!" and it spoofs today's biggest blockbuster films including "Miss Congeniality," "Cast Away," "Austin Powers" "Men In Black," "Planet of the Apes," "Jurassic Park," "Lord of the Rings," "Wizard of Oz," "Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc" and "Mission Impossible!"

"Miss Cast Away" stars Academy Award nominee Eric Roberts, Charlie Schlatter ("Diagnosis Murder," "Police Academy"), Evan Marriott (star of "Joe Millionaire"), Stuart Pankin ("Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves," "I Love Trouble"), Joyce Giraud (runner up to Miss Universe), and Playboy's 50th Anniversary playmate Colleen Shannon.

AND . . . in a rare and unique film appearance, pop superstar MICHAEL JACKSON is featured as secret Agent M.J. who's sent in a beam of light to help guide the castaways to their ultimate rescue.

Fasten your seatbelts for . . . "Miss Cast Away’

Sure, the website's pretty shit, and judging by the movie trailer the special effects arn't all that grand either.  But for some reason when things are slapped together it tends to add to the comedy.  I've read 2 release dates, both for the United States (July 21st/July 28th), but you can buy a limited edition copy from their website.  I would, but being a paranoid freak, I won't go near a site other than Amazon with my credit card, and even then I have a panic attack until what I've ordered arrives.

Even though I havn't seen it, I'm going to rate it on my expectations, and give it 3 and a half buggers out of 5 on the bugger-o-meter.

Posted by Chikory at 06:15.
Today is Tuesday, the 3rd of May, 2005.

Oh no... I've been blocked AND deleted!!! - 

My day started at 4:30am instead of the usual 2:30am, and already it has proved to be very productive.  For on this day, I have successfully managed to get my evil sister to block and delete all 11 of my msn accounts.  Yes, it's a glorious day in the territorial bubble of Chikory O'Riley™.  

It's no secret I hate my sister, so naturally when bored, I'd enjoy annoying her by changing my msn name and signing in with various forms of visual abuse.   Well, 2 weeks after said fact she decided to send me an e-mail.  Just what she hoped to get out of this incredibly stupid act is beyond me.  Naturally, I replied her illiterate letter with something so sardonic and filled to the brim with sarcasm, that it would be certain to make her cry; which I am sure it did.

I was going to make her "arse of the moment number #2", but I have since decided to refrain from that, and instead post her e-mail here.  Because it's so hard to understand, I will post her e-mail on its own, and then her's with my reply.  My replies will be the bits in teal.  I warn you though, not only does it entail a lot of PJs (Personal Jokes) but towards the end I start to ramble... It was giving me a headache, as most conversations involving my sister do.  So shut up!

You really think your name calling upsets me?? Well it doesn't.  I  find it confirms my feeling of my old family.  That it is the most difunctional family I have ever knowm.  And I know I haven't met many "other" families, but the way you guys treat your "Blood" rellies is disgusting.  And the way you treat your grand children even worse.  They are hardly even a week old and you already call them names and outcasting them. 

Why could you not be like grandad and acept the person that made me truly happy???  He still loves me and that is all I need. 

Thomas and Hannah have an adopted grandmother and grandfater that loves them and sends them letters and even visits them.  So how could I miss my own flesh and blood that calls them names before they could even hurt anyone???  

To be honest I am better off without you. 

The only thing I am greatful for is that you kept going to the memorial each year.   That gave me the interest to study further and meet my wonderful, loving husband who is as far from a dole bludger as he could ever be.  And for you info is undergoing surgery for his injuries and has a perfectly good reason for not working. 

And I know you are asshamed of you daugher's depression, but I am almost certain that it is inherent and the you Mum, suffer form depression with your (nobody loves me attitude) which you should see someone about.

Sorry if any of this hurt but I think its the truth. 

I know you hate my husband but at least he loves me and our children and cares for me. 

You tell me that you have your sources to find out info.  But I know that is crap.  because we dont talk to any one you know.

love anthea

Well if she didn't think she'd get slaughtered in her reply, then she's a bigger idiot than I thought.

You really think your name calling upsets me?? Well it doesn't. Well obviously it does, because it has earned me yet another response from the moron brigade.™ I find it confirms my feeling of my old family. That it is the most difunctional <---Might wanna learn how to spell there, Darl. family I have ever knowm. <---Oooh, you must have been fuming when you were typing this. That explains the "heat of the moment" typos. And I know I haven't met many "other" families, but the way you guys treat your "Blood" rellies is disgusting. <--- HA HA HA! Take a page from your own book, you hypocritical dumbarse! And the way you treat your grand children even worse. What Grandchildren? A)I don't have a sister, and B) there's nothing GRAND about them. They are hardly even a week old and you already call them names and outcasting them. Okay, so, referring to them as grandchildren implies that you are talking to mum. What has mum done? Nothing. She has sat upstairs and minded her own business while I have gone about mine. So how about you sprout half a brain, and leave her out of this. You're no better than half the other total dimwits in society today. Leave her the hell alone! She dosn't need to fall victim to your bull shit. (Oooh, oh no... I said a bad word! GASP!)

Why could you not be like grandad and acept (There are 2 c's in accept) the person that made me truly happy??? (If you’re so happy, why do you admit to being depressed? Moron. You can’t have it both ways. Either you're sad or you're not. No matter who you blame for your defect, that statement alone says that you’re not, indeed, truly happy.) He still loves me and that is all I need. I think you'll find that Grandad is actually disgusted in your behaviour. He doesn't like Mike, and he is in denial that anyone could behave as disgracefully as you have. He constantly asks dad on the phone, "And she didn't call? She didn't come by and see you?" (You being dad, not all of us. I mean you only spouted off that you felt closer to dad than you did mum. Yet he comes back from America last time, you havn't seen him in YEARS, and you spend a total of 5 minutes or so in his lounge room, and then leave without even saying goodbye. BRAVO FOR THE IDIOT MACHINE! At this rate, it's going to explode!) 

Thomas and Hannah have an adopted grandmother and grandfater that loves them and sends them letters and even visits them. So how could I miss my own flesh and blood that calls them names before they could even hurt anyone??? Whoopdee freakin' doo for them! What do you want? A medal? Hurrah! Here comes the marching band, and the parade... Oh look, a sing along... and special guest appearances by 'The Wiggles'!

To be honest I am better off without you. Ditto. Only we realised it long before you did. You're a terrible person, you transformed into this awful, unrecognisable human being. I deny having a sister, there are only 3 children in this family, and we all get along well. Wonder where the problem lay? Heh, go figure...

The only thing I am greatful for is that you kept going to the memorial each year. That gave me the interest to study further and meet my wonderful, loving husband who is as far from a dole bludger as he could ever be. HA HA HA HA! Oh wait, you were serious... And for you info is undergoing surgery for his injuries and has a perfectly good reason for not working. He has no good reason for being a lazy bastard dole bludger. Leeching off of hard working people like Joshua and I. Tell me, back in the day when it could walk... Why was it that his ankles were too bad to do any sort of job, yet he could ride a bike, run, walk in the sand at the beach, and drive his car the way he use to? Going right up the bum of the person in front, having to brake and change down gears just to avoid an accident. All of the above involves using your ankles, and for someone who 'loves' you so much, he sure did do a lot of whining when you expressed that his driving was, indeed, scaring you. Did he do anything about it? No. Did he care that it was endangering your life, your spawn's life, and anyone else on the road? No. Yeah... He cares so much it's sickening.

And I know you are asshamed of you daugher's depression (Um, who said that? I didn't! I said you were an idiot for letting the doctor give you drugs. No one said ashamed, which by the way is spelt with only one 's'. I guess your subconscious is telling you that YOU in actual fact are either ashamed, or fear others might be ashamed of you for this defect in your brain. Don't shove the blame for the workings of your mind off on me.), but I am almost certain that it is inherent and the you Mum, suffer form depression with your (nobody loves me attitude) which you should see someone about. Oh, who died and made you a psychiatrist? I'll have you know that most mental diseases are inherited. You're probably so depressed because your life sucks. That's it in a nutshell. 
But no, mother and I are fine. Not that it is any concern of yours, I mean after all, you're just an outsider. Butt out of our family’s business. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Last night we played Scrabble... and I cheated, and turned her word "body" into "urbody", and then she changed it to "andurbody". Then I changed it to "uandurbody" and then she did nothing, so to get a tripple word score, I made it "ouandurbody", and then she went and got the last letter in, and made it "ouandurbodys". She won the game... damn her. I know she put all the vowels on my side of the game so I'd pick them up. I swear (shit), I got every single vowel. There's only one "x" and "z" in the box, I got them both! She rigged it when I turned my back to get the dictionary. I told dad to keep an eye on her, I bet he was in on it. CONSPIRACY! 
Anyway, I don't have a "nobody loves me attitude", you must know absolutely nothing about me. Wow, there's a kick in the guts. You know me for 18 years and you don't know the first thing about me. My attitude happens to be, "Everyone can go to hell. I hate you all, piss off and leave me the hell alone!" So eat shit and die. My only issue is anger, anger caused by an extensive hatred for you. I would love to stand there and scream at you and bitch slap you across that smug face of yours. But I can't, because that's assault, and you'd both do anything for a quick dollar. So until that day, all my built up feelings of rage and excessive hatred for you, will just have to remain bottled up inside until I can either tell you exactly how physically ill you make me feel, or go on a rampage with a gun; shooting the idiots that run society today... Namely, your kind of people.

Sorry if any of this hurt but I think its the truth. News flash, no one cares what you think. I certainly don't. I look down on you, I think you're dirt. So your opinion of me, or any member of MY family means less than zero to me. That's like a bum walking up to me on the street saying "I don't like you." I'd be all like, "Who gives a shit? At least I have a roof over my head, get back to your box!" (And be original. If you're going to reply, don't use what I just said. I know you will be tempted to go, "Well, omg, wtf? lol!!!!1 The feeling is, like, mutual. Omg! HAHAHAHA! And yeah... I'm an idiot, but oh well..." By all means, you can say that exact line. Copy and paste to make it easier for yourself. It just about sums up your mentality, and it's nothing I don't already know.) 

I know you hate my husband but at least he loves me and our children and cares for me. Your children are just an excuse to get more money from the dole. He's a control freak, who can't provide for his family. The day Centerlink stops handing out the payments, is the day you're both up shit creek without a paddle. 

You tell me that you have your sources to find out info. But I know that is crap. because we dont talk to any one you know. Yeah, I do actually. See, you tell Judy, Judy tells her congregation, her congregation talks. Then said idiots, come through my checkout, they start to tell me about stuff. I respond "I don't like my sister, she's evil. So I have no idea about any of this." Then they go, "Oh, okay.", and for some reason, as if that wasn't a big enough "Shut up, I don't care", they continue to inform me. Odd that.

You know what? This is just a plea for some form of attention from us. Why don't you just accept the fact that we disowned you. We don't like you, we don't like him, and we want nothing to do with any of you. The only one we have any genuine concern for, is Alfred. With good reason too. That poor dog. Life with you must make him even more suicidal.  (Alfred is our manic depressive dog.  He was abused and has been neurotic ever since.)

Another thing, notice that every member of this family has a problem with you and that thing you call your handbag/man bitch. So what does that tell you? Maybe that you're the problem, not us. We disowned you, get over it. You're the dysfunctional one. Notice the spelling of that? With a "y", not an "i". Yeah, nothing a dictionary won't cure. They even have them online, and guess what the URL is! OMG! YES! YOU'RE RIGHT! WWW.DICTIONARY.COM. Isn't technology grand?

love anthea <---You have a lot of cheek, heh, and you didn’t even have a capital letter for your own name. Yeah… I can see YOU teaching the kids English. They’re going to fail before they even start.

I’m not sorry if any of this hurt you. It’s the least I can do to repay you for the last 3 wonderful years you’ve given me. Oh, what joys we’ve had. I should do up a photo album, or a time line. That’d be nice. I'll add in such great memories, like all those times I got to go places with you on your own... oh wait, that only happened once. After that I had to put up with Boof head, whining like a child every time we made a joke because "Mr. Sensitive" thought it was directed at him. Oh, and that time you made the joke about the leads for the run, and you said Josie would be hanging by her neck off the ground. You started to explain it, and then he snapped "I know, I'm not stupid!" and you got upset, and I got pissed off because once again he was behaving like a total dick, and the whole afternoon was ruined. But we still had to go to Target and spend many exciting hours buying him socks, pants and underwear. I'll never forget those days. Good times, real good times...

How about that e-mail he sent? Unlike you, this family happens to be very loyal towards our dear sweet mum. We protect her, and when some jackass with an IQ below 50 (I'm still wondering how he functions, by all laws of physics he should be dead... Life is so cruel.) sends her an e-mail in the "heat of the moment" (HA HA! The one fingered typist probably spent the better half of a day on that thing!), we don't take that lightly. No one insults my mother and gets away with it. From that moment on, he was branded an arrogant pig.

This one always earns me a good hearty laugh. I remember the line word for word, "I like to relax with a glass of wine after a hard days work." HA HA HA HA HA HA! Even you laughed at that one, but soon shut up when he shot you one of his "I'm going to cry like a Nancy boy because you're picking on me" looks. What work? That's what I want to know. WHAT WORK? Your days consisted of... 
Wake up, turn on TV in my old room, go into Joshua's room, turn on TV there and play games. Have a shower, go upstairs, turn on TV in lounge, turn on computer, cook breakfast with loads of oil and butter, because that dosn't make you fat. Go back downstairs, ignore other 2 TVs and computer, which have been left on. Sit in room, watch DVD's. Go upstairs. Anthea goes on computer, she has been there 2.5 seconds. Boof head then whines because "it's his turn". Anthea being the pussy she is, vacates the computer area. He plays games for a few hours. Goes back downstairs, gets ready, leaves. Goes to beach, goes to shops, goes to park, goes to see people. Come home, cook with oil and butter, make floor slippery, turn on TV in lounge. Turn on computer, turn on air conditioner. Go downstairs, play games on TV in Joshua's room. Have another shower, go into my old room, turn on TV and little fan doohickey, go to sleep after having a beer/some wine... because hey, after a strenuous day like that, you've earned it. 

I would go on, but I fear that you probably havn't been able to follow it this far. I've used too many big words for your tiny vocabulary, I guess I should have known better. So I shall finish with this,
It must suck to be you.

So, there you have it; the edited version of what I wrote.  It seems she was eagerly waiting for me to reply (meaning she was sitting on msn at an hour that she usually dosn't come online), so I sent it off, and not long after, every member of my family had their accounts blocked and deleted from her msn list.  She's going to have nothing to do on her uber cool Dodo Internet connection now.

You may think I'm horrible for having written all that, but I took the best stuff out (Which was probably 25% of the e-mail), and she's not the angel she makes herself out to be.  But yeah, what ever.

Posted by Chikory at 13:02.
Today is Sunday, the 1st of May, 2005.